


So That's Why Ohno Agreed to be Captain!

by kamja



Series: Neo Oregon [2]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 23:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamja/pseuds/kamja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Arashi's first Christmas aboard the Starship Ticonderoga. Knowledge of the other stories in this series is nice but not required.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So That's Why Ohno Agreed to be Captain!

It was their first Christmas in space, and they were faced with a lot of canned meat.

"Is it even made from animals?" Jun asked doubtfully. He picked up one can from the crate and eyed it critically. You never knew sometimes; a bunch of scientists figured out how to grow steaks in petri dishes about five years back. It was pretty disturbing to see a slab of meat with the veins not getting cut off the edges, but _turning around_ to loop to the other side. 

"Of course it's real meat," Aiba looked unconcerned as he rummaged through the kitchen pantry. "It's the very best on this side of Pluto."

"I know we're travelling long distance," Jun continued. They'd been in hyperspeed for 2 Earth weeks since their last stop at an outpost satellite. By Ohno's reckoning, they still had about 3 months left of travel to Neo Oregon. "But does that really mean you have to buy everything in bulk from wholesalers like Johnny's Club? How the heck are we gonna finish--" and he stopped here to count the cans "--125 pounds of canned meat?"

"But the club membership came with a free magazine subscription," Aiba replied, as if that explained everything. He resurfaced from the pantry holding a dingy plastic package. "Found it. Now for some good 'ol Christmas chili. Allez cuisine!"

Jun sighed and reminded himself to look for the heartburn medication in the sick bay as he watched Aiba snip open the plastic packet of chili spices. He left Aiba in the kitchen and headed towards the control deck. The rest of the _Ticonderoga_ crew was watching satellite TV. That is, only Sho was watching. Ohno was dozing in the Captain's chair and Nino was somewhere below deck chatting with TOMA, the starship operating system. A very long paper chain was trailing out of the trapdoor leading into TOMA's computer room. Jun stepped over it and crouched down over the trapdoor.

"What'cha up to, Nino?"

Nino was surrounded by little piles of colored paper strips. There was even one in his hair. He looked up. "Oh, I'm making a paper chain to decorate."

Jun snorted. "I never imagined you to volunteer for this sort of thing." 

"I didn't," Nino sniffed and handed up a slip of white paper. "Ohno was supposed to do it, but he threw this in my face."

Jun took the paper and looked at it. "One free task" was scrawled across it in Nino's handwriting. He snorted. "Hey, isn't this your birthday coupon to Ohno because you were too lazy to buy him a present?"

"Yeah," Nino scowled and pasted another link to the chain. 

"You reap what you sow," TOMA put in. He was really into proverbs lately.

"Let's roll some mochi..." Sho's voice floated above. Jun could hear some old anime on the TV. 

"It's not New Year's," Nino shot back.

"What _are_ we doing tonight? It's Christmas, after all," Jun rolled over on his back and waved one end of the paper chain in the air. 

"Didn't Aiba say he was cooking up something special?"

"Yeah, chili with canned meat."

Nino wrinkled his nose. "Y'know what, we should give _him_ coupons. Stuff like, 'one week off from the kitchen'."

"What, so you can stock up the kitchen with instant ramen on our next grocery run?"

"Do _you_ wanna eat all that canned meat? 'Cos I'm not gonna. I'm a camel. I have enough snacks stashed away down here."

"Exactly 45,106 calories worth," said TOMA. He liked to keep track of everything.

"...which if push comes to shove, could be 40 days of food," Nino continued. He pasted yet another link onto the chain. 

Jun shook his head. He thought it would be in poor taste to mention that those very snacks caused Nino to have dysentery early on in their trip. "Do that, and your ass will get even bonier."

Forty minutes and one bowl of stomach-burning chili later, the entire crew was sitting in a circle on the control deck writing on little slips of colored paper. Nino and Jun had indeed convinced the other three to trade coupons. Nino's paper chain was taped up all around them, though it hung a little unenthusiastically at some points.

"Ok, here's mine," Ohno passed out four pieces of paper. They all said the same thing. 

"Swap Captain's Cabin for one night?" Aiba read out loud. Sure enough, he'd received cooking vacations from Nino and Jun. Ohno had exclusive claim to the Captain's Cabin as the starship's pilot.

Sho's eyes widened. "Really?"

The other three looked puzzled. As the legal owner of the _Ticonderoga_ , Sho continued. "You three haven't bothered to really look inside the Captain's Cabin, have you? There's a _sauna_ in there!"

"What?" Aiba, Jun and Nino said in unison. They looked at Ohno, who just looked back. 

Nino stared at Ohno's coupon and picked up his pen. He scribbled something quickly on a piece of paper. "I'll trade this for any of the Captain's Cabin coupons."

The other four leaned forward and read, "One jungle jam." This was the term they'd given to their own cure for cabin fever - one (or more) willing accomplice, one bottle of liquor and one splitting hangover to reset the brain. There really were only so many things to do in the middle of hyperspeed.

Aiba seemed intrigued, but Sho saw this and headed him off. "Ok, then I'll trade with this one!"

Sho had written, "Freedom from dock chores on next stop."

"Now that's something," both Jun and Aiba nodded. Whenever they stopped at a dock, certain repairs, refueling and other maintenance had to be performed on the ship. It was much more fun to actually go out and do the shopping or just see something different. 

"Who wants something that's actually _useful_?" Nino moaned, yet Aiba handed over Ohno's coupon to Sho. 

An hour and several coupon exchanges later, everyone finally got what they wanted. And they all ended up in the sauna anyway.

"We should hang out here more often," Jun said drowsily. "But who installs a sauna on board a starship?"

"I think the previous owner was some sort of spa owner," Sho replied. He wiped some sweat that was falling into his eyes. 

They were silent then. The steam curled around them comfortingly. 

"Merry Christmas, guys," Ohno said suddenly but drowsily. It wasn't until he said it that they realized it really was their first Christmas in space, lightyears away from home and lightyears away from their destination. 

"I think of home all the time," Sho said at length. "But today, I didn't think of it at all."

"Because you're already home?" Aiba chimed in.

"No...no cheesy Christmas lines, _please_ ," Nino said, slapping one hand over his eyes. 

Outside, TOMA sang Christmas carols to himself. 

 

End. Bizarre as usual!


End file.
